Trusting Your Knowing Keeps You Connected


Love at first sight is easy to understand. It’s when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle. – Sam Levenson

When I first saw Rich something in me went, “Hey, who’s THAT?” I noticed he was very attractive and I was immediately drawn to him. This was NOT something that happened to me. Like, almost never.

Rich was different. I just had a feeling even before we began dating that he was the man for me. It was a “knowing” that was deep and certain. I felt that knowing in the same way that I knew when a big exciting shift was coming in my life as I approached my 30th birthday. Or when my wise Aunt Bea was slowly leaving my life after she got sick for the second time. Or when a good friend dropped by my office – a week before he died suddenly – and I knew he was saying goodbye for good. Or when I knew that a great offer was coming from a new workplace and my career was taking a shift upward. Regardless of whether a change was “good” or “bad”, the knowing feeling was a calm, grounded and peaceful one. That’s how I know when things are meant to be.

And so it was with Rich. The rational side of me noted how, after 25 years of dating, I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want. Rather than feeling euphoric in the beginning of the relationship, I was calm, grounded and peaceful. Harvey Freeman said, “Lust brings excitement. Love brings peace.”

Needless to say, more than four years later, our relationship has not remained in a consistent state of peace. A good friend of mine says that after twenty years of marriage she and her husband, while fortuitously brought together, she believes, still bump up against the ugliest parts of one another. Her baggage and his baggage match up perfectly to bring up old wounds. She and her husband then learn to heal those wounds, requiring both partners to stretch out of their comfort zone to meet each other halfway. This is what happens when you partner with the right person. When mid-bump, however, that calm and peaceful connection is a powerful incentive to keep working toward healing with your partner.

My wise Aunt Bea used to say that the secret to a happy relationship was falling in love with your partner over and over again. It feels like falling in love all over again when two people reconnect with that calm and peaceful state of being where you know you are with the right person. It is almost like a message from our best self to our worst – ‘Over here! Remember this? Well, this is what is real! Just because we have to work to get back to that calm and peaceful place doesn’t mean that it wasn’t real. It actually IS what is truly real – all the fears that creep in around the difficulties are what is NOT real.

Regular reconnection with the calm and peaceful knowing we had in regard to a partner, a child, ourselves or with spirit ensures a long and happy relationship. If parents can reconnect with how they felt about their child when he was a cute little baby, they are more motivated to work through difficulties in the present teenage years. If we can get back in touch with spirit and be reminded of all the time we were guided to the right place, we can stay the course through tough times, even when we have no understanding of why they are happening.

Any relationship needs to be maintained regularly. This maintenance results in a reconnection and reminder of what drew you together in the first place. It can be hard to reconnect with anyone in the midst of our daily lives and sometimes we have to fight to carve out time for it.   But, it really is the most important responsibility to remember, each day. The dividends are endless!


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